Frozen pizza and how to be a good wife

It’s funny the things that God uses to teach you important lessons.  For some, like Baalam, He used a donkey…for others, like me, He uses frozen pizza.

Before I was married, I had all these grand ideas about how I would be such a wonderful wife.  The house would always be as clean as possible, I would always make meals from scratch, I would make sure the laundry hamper was never overflowing.  I could maybe fudge on some of them if I was deathly ill or something, but other than then, I would work hard to be a good wife and make sure that all that was done.

For the first month or so of my marriage, I was kind of able to keep up with those goals, but then I got pregnant and very sick and those ideals on how to be a good wife flew out the window.  And I was devastated…I felt like I was failing as a wife because my husband had to eat peanut butter and honey sandwiches for lunch.  The Lord taught me a lot through that time about having grace for myself, but I still felt like, if I could, I should still always try very hard to make those things happen.

Fast forward to these last couple weeks.  Now a little bit more seasoned in marriage (a whole year and a half!), I’m beginning to see that “being a good wife” isn’t about keeping the perfect house and cooking amazing meals all the time.  It’s about pleasing your husband and being focused on the things that are important to him.  Yes, my husband likes it when the house is clean and the laundry is done, and he loves my cooking…but he’d rather the floor not be mopped and that we have frozen pizza so that he can spend his evenings with a wife who isn’t exhausted.  Granted, there are days when I can clean and cook and launderize up a storm and still be full of energy when my husband is home in the evening.  But at this season of my life, pregnant and mommy to a little boy who is still learning how to sleep at night, many days it does come down to whether or not to mop the floor or nap.  And I know my husband would rather have me nap so I’m not exhausted when evening rolls around and we can finally spend time together.

And I discovered, like a lot of things, this struggle boils down to pride.  I’m proud of the fact that, in general, my house is quite clean.  I’m proud that I’m a good cook and we hardly ever eat convenience meals.  So I trundle along, exhausting myself and making sure that my pride doesn’t fall.  But then the Lord revealed my sin to me, and at our last trip to Trader Joe’s, I made myself buy some frozen entrees.  And in the last weeks, we’ve eaten some of them, and I wasn’t even deathly ill.   And I’m realising that my husband can’t even tell when the floor is mopped or not, so if he wants me to rest, I should rest even if I think that the floor “needs” to be mopped.

So I’m learning to nap.  And have frozen pizza once in awhile.


11 thoughts on “Frozen pizza and how to be a good wife

  1. As I was reading this, I couldn’t believe how much this reminded me of my pride. When I was younger, I had serious pride issues with how well I kept my part of the room clean etc… I was a neat organized ‘freak’ 😉
    Needless to say, I’ve learned to let some things go and God has taught me what is truly important in this life He has given me.

    Just yesterday, I was fretting how sick and un-energetic I was feeling and how awful that was cause I wasn’t being productive. Well…. God stopped me in my tracks and pretty much told me to go take a nap. Taking care of my body was more important to Him than folding that load of laundry or sweeping the floor again. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing. It’s always encouraging to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with “keeping it all together” and the pride issue there….

  2. Jessica, this was just what I needed to read right now! The Lord has been convicting me of the very same things. I had such high ideals of what I thought I would be like as a wife and mother, but most of those ideals kind of get blown out of the water while I’m pregnant – which has actually been my state for most of our marriage so far! 🙂 I just can’t get everything done that I think NEEDS to. But you’re right – it boils down to pride. And my sweet, sweet husband doesn’t expect it from me. He keeps telling me not to demand more from myself than he is – all he wants is for me to take care of myself and the baby inside, and of course, to take care of Felicity. I’m slowly learning to let go and realize that I’m just NOT going to be getting all of those home-cooked meals done right now. And it’s actually okay.

    It’s a hard one for me to learn, but it is always encouraging to hear that you’re not the only one struggling with such things! 🙂

    1. I can relate, Tiffany – being pregnant (and postpartum…which has it’s own set of issues! :P) has been my state for most of my marriage too! It definitely changes your priorities from what you (naively) thought they would be before you married. 🙂 And my sweet husband tells me pretty much the same things that your sweet husband tells you…I’m expecting way more from myself than he is.

      And yes, it is nice to know that you’re not the only one struggling with these things… 🙂

  3. Oh Jessica, your transparency is a blessing:-) And I know for a fact that many of us fight the pride battle daily with our homes and in our hearts. I loved your message. Great!

  4. Mmmm…that sounds like me! Such high ideals…and then pregnancy and nausea hits…and suddenly life is very different and some ideals are impossible to attain! It’s been a difficult journey, learning to let go

    1. Yes, it is a difficult journey, this learning to let go of our expectations and ideals for ourselves. But it’s amazing how freeing it is once we do finally let go of them!

      If you too are dealing with pregnancy and nausea, just today I read a really good post on a great blog I read…the post is called “In (Morning) Sickness and in Health: How to Bless Your Husband When You Feel Like Throwing Up on His Shoes”. 🙂 Great title, eh?! I really appreciated it since it focused on the things you can do to be “a good wife” when you don’t have the energy or capacity at the moment to keep the house clean and cook great meals.

  5. I just stumbled upon your blog as I was searching the internet and your writing really ministered to me. Thank you for sharing so personally. I have been learning a lot about my pride lately, pride in my appearance (“Defining”) which is not the same as it was before two pregnancies, pride in cooking healthy meals from scratch, and pride in having a very clean house. Then I complain to my husband about how tired I am and how busy I am. He, too, tells me that we need to have frozen pizza for dinner! Who do I think that I am as if I can have my life perfectly together in my own strength! I think God allows life to be more than we can handle so that we do not become self-sufficient and critical of others.

    1. Hello Ann,

      Thank you so much for your sweet comment! Knowing that my writing encourages others is a huge encouragement to me. And I definitely agree with you that God probably allows our lives to be more than we can handle ourselves so that we learn to depend completely on Him.

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